It seems never ending – how you keep trying to improve yourself, doesn’t it?
It’s like learning a new language. Constantly learning new skills and applying new techniques and strategies.
And yet this is what life ends up being. One constant treadmill of self development.
I mean, surely all successful entrepreneurs and ambitious souls do this? But is there ever an end to it?
As a self confessed personal development junkie I’d be hypocritical if I didn’t admit to wanting to improve myself on a daily basis.
It’s a great way to stay motivated and look forward rather than back.
I love how improving myself and doing self development keeps me on my toes and gives me room to expand, no matter where I am. Growth is the only way to live life if you ask me!
But between parenting, reading books, doing online courses, watching self-help videos, and everything in between, I often wonder if I’ll ever get there.
However. And this is a big revelation.
Recently, I’ve come across something, one of the most important things that transformed my personal development journey and made me a better person.
It literally blew everything out of the water.
You see, the problem is we’re all trying to improve ourselves, but with no end in sight. It’s like we’re going towards something, but we have zero clue what that something is?
We get bombarded with adverts and posts telling us to set goals, escape our comfort zone, earn the best ways, work hard, reach those goals, and then we’ll be happy.
“You’ll be happy when you make the first sale”
“You’ll be happy when you earn £10,000”
“You’ll be happy when you lose 10kg”
“You’ll be happy when he asks to marry you”
“You’ll feel better once you get rid of all those bad habits.”
These are all ‘means goals’, meaning they have a ‘so that’ or a ‘so what’ in them. They’re conditional. Meaning X must be met to feel Y.
Yet what we’re actually after is feelings.
Feelings are what we crave. So as a first step, what you should ask yourself is ‘How do I want to feel?’ and focus only on that.
Focus on the end result and work backwards.
At the end of the day (every day if you can) ask yourself “How do I want to feel?”
Most of us want to feel good lets face it, but there’s a gazillion ways to feel good. What you need to do is define it for you.
The universe has a canny way of delivering what you need, so long as you make it clear enough.
If your end goal is ‘I want to feel loved’, then state that. Write it down and keep it as your ‘end goal’. And then work backwards.
What can you do to create more love for yourself?
Who can you hang out with that will give you some love back?
Are you allowing yourself to feel the love already present in your life?
If you’re finding it difficult to define an ‘end goal’, then you can always take your ‘means goals’ and ask why?
“I want to lose 10kg” (means goal)
“Because I feel fat”
“Because my clothes don’t fit”
There you go. The goal here isn’t “I want to lose 10kg” the goal is
“I want my clothes to fit.”
Do you see the difference?
Always focus on the end goal, as this is the motivator and is heavily related to how you’ll feel when you reach it.
Here’s a great book to read for further effective goal setting, which is different to the usual, laborious, tedious goal setting books.
The number one thing to improve on yourself is setting an end goal. That’s it!
That end goal will keep your spirits high and take away any and all pressure you’re putting on yourself. Let the universe work her magic and help you on the way while keeping that end goal in sight, and you’ll get there.
Remember to ask “How do I want to feel?” everyday before you go to bed. You may like to read this post too to help yourself with this question.
Write it down. Journal on it. And keep reflecting on it – the universe will deliver it to you.
You don’t need to know how, just stay focused towards that feeling you want!
You’ve got this!